Well, I went and I asked John to homecoming. (did I mention this already? I'm not sure) He said no at first, but because he hadn't been planning on going at all. When I told him that he should go he said I don't know maybe. Even though I should let it go, I'm not done yet. When I asked him, I didn't really let on that I liked him. I made it sound more casual. I don't want that though. If he's going to reject me, I want to be rejected knowing that I tried my hardest, tried to convey my feelings and that I lost the fight fair. (not that it's unfair, I'm just not going to let it go until then) I don't know what I'll do if I can't find a date to homecoming. It would look kind of bad if the possible homecoming princess didn't have a date. Oh well. I'm sure I can find one.

I had yet another dream that's really wonderful, and is torturing my mind even more. Like before, all the important parts star John. This one is from a couple days ago, so it's not as vivid.

I was walking through the halls at Richards, it was two days before homecoming. I was upset because all my friends (even Skylar who had sworn to not go) had dates. I was the only one left dateless. Naturally, I was upset. All of my friends would be busy with their dates at homecoming, and I'd be left behind (that's one of my biggest fears). Well, I was walking toward the language wing after gym and that's the time when I normally see John. I was walking alone and the hallways were nearly empty because I'd been running really late. So, unaware of the people around me I continued on. About halfway there, someone comes and puts their right arm around me (they were standing on my left). I look up and find John. He said "Why so glum? You look better when you smile." I contemplated telling him that it was all his fault I felt so down but decided against it. Instead, I stopped, closed my eyes and leaned my head on his shoulder, just standing there. He wrapped his arms around me and we stood in an embrace. Opening my eyes, he left the hug but still had his arm around me. We continued walking (since my classroom is right next to his)and my head didn't leave his shoulder. My dream continued like this for a while, it was a very intimate moment. Even though no words were spoken, no word were needed. I woke up before we had to part to our classrooms.

God damn it. Why can't real life be this sweet?
ALSO! I BLAME SKYLAR ONE HUNDRED PERCENT FOR THE RECENT FLUX IN DREAMS INVOLVING JOHN. IT'S HER INFLUENCE AND MY BEING TOLD OF ALL HER DAMNED STORIES ABOUT CODY OR WHOMEVER.

But, I thank Skylar too because if I can't have it in real life at least I have my fantasies...